What lies await outside my front door
Who is out there ready to settle a score
My brain yells out a warning to stay put
Each time the door opens more than a foot
All of my muscles tremble and quake
I suddenly feel very much awake
Sweat beads up on my brow and neckline
I tell myself maybe I can do it this time
Most days I can’t… I’d rather be dead
Is any of it real, or is it all in my head
I want to believe life can be better than this
That I’ll wake up tomorrow and find my bliss
Bed is a sanctuary and torture device
My body hurts from being tossed all night
No exercise and no fresh air
The lack of sunshine keeps me fair
Black moods are best kept to myself
Locked away and put up on a shelf
My mind often wanders to dreary places
It goes back and forth in unsteady paces
I live in silent rooms full of dim light
Trying to cope with this senseless fright
It comes in silently on little cats’ feet
With a swiftness I can’t begin to defeat
When the Black Dog growls, seek out a dog trainer – quickly. Many readers will recognize your distraught lines, bravely and poetically expressed.
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You blend pain into exquisite beauty within your poem. The black and the bleak does start to shine with time. It’s all about cycles. And this one will turn and colour will bleed back into your life. Remember, you are not defeated. Not as long as you have air in your lungs
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Thank you for the kind comment and the offer of hope that things will get better.
(((hugs)))
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I have nominated you for the One Lovely Blog Award. It is my way of saying thank you for sharing pieces of your life with me. There really is no pressure or obligation to accept the award, but please know I appreciate all you share. Please see here (http://piecesofbipolar.wordpress.com/2014/12/24/one-lovely-blog/) for the details.
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You can really feel your pain in this one. I felt this pain once.
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I am sorry we share this pain, but find hope in your use of the past-tense verb “felt”. I look forward to writing about this anxiety in the past tense!! (((hugs)))
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