Loneliness

Alone I sit within walls of my own making

Wondering where all the people are at.

For the first time I can truly see

And the possibilities are unnerving.

My future involves others, and the Other

Lots of different others, I feel.

Yet I sit alone with the new sights and emotions

Wondering just what to make of it all.

Knowing I am being drenched in knowledge

But having no patience for the learning curve.

Not wanting to wait for the addition of understanding

To marry everything as one.

Destiny is showing her face

Beckoning me onto a path full of uncertainties.

“Look there,” Karma says and

I see what she means, however…

But I will be obedient this time

And go where they lead me.

Even though I am frightened and alone,

I am even more afraid of not following, not learning

The lessons I must learn

Because I don’t want to find myself here again.

Will this be the time old karma is fixed?

Will this be the time I ascend?

The finish feels so close at times, but

Is it bad karma yet again making me want to die?

Wanting to follow my brother down suicides’ path

Is stronger and easier than following destiny.

Especially when the hard edges of life

Press on my heart so greedily.

So alone I sit within walls of my own making

Pondering what I have left to teach and

More importantly, how hard the next lesson will be to learn.

~winged woman, 27 Mar 15