Loneliness

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Alone I sit within walls of my own making

Wondering where all the people are at.

For the first time I can truly see

And the possibilities are unnerving.

My future involves others, and the Other

Lots of different others, I feel.

Yet I sit alone with the new sights and emotions

Wondering just what to make of it all.

Knowing I am being drenched in knowledge

But having no patience for the learning curve.

Not wanting to wait for the addition of understanding

To marry everything as one.

Destiny is showing her face

Beckoning me onto a path full of uncertainties.

“Look there,” Karma says and

I see what she means, however…

But I will be obedient this time

And go where they lead me.

Even though I am frightened and alone,

I am even more afraid of not following, not learning

The lessons I must learn

Because I don’t want to find myself here again.

Will this be the time old karma is fixed?

Will this be the time I ascend?

The finish feels so close at times, but

Is it bad karma yet again making me want to die?

Wanting to follow my brother down suicides’ path

Is stronger and easier than following destiny.

Especially when the hard edges of life

Press on my heart so greedily.

So alone I sit within walls of my own making

Pondering what I have left to teach and

More importantly, how hard the next lesson will be to learn.

~winged woman, 27 Mar 15

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11 thoughts on “Loneliness

  1. There is no such thing as bad karma, or good karma, it simply is … You cannot take the path of others, for their footsteps are not yours. To have felt the desire to ascend means you are doing it. Loneliness is a state of mind, as much as a state of being, you’re are guided by light, feel the shadows fall away behind you… Many blessings on your journey, you have traveled far, rest in an Oasis of love for a time …

    Liked by 1 person

    • I understand what you are saying. I feel so beat down at the moment. I no longer see myself as a victim of my childhood; I am a survivor. However the effects of it all are part of who I am and at times it feels like it is too big a burden and I can not take anymore. That is where I am at right now. The light feels very dim and my energy is at its’ lowest. Thank you for the blessings. (((hugs)))

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I am no expert but am a fellow sojourner on this path. But the very fact that we think about our choices, our possibilities and want to ascend shows real growth. There is no way to go but onward, never backward, one our souls become awakened to the truth of our existence. Love and hugs.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Your words are very striking to my heart in this moment. If it helps, I read this quote this morning and it seemed to soften my edges: “A period of chaos often precedes a new dawn of Creation”

    I’m not sure, but I think these feelings arise when our intuitive hearts feel ignored…like there is something we are missing…something it is trying to reveal to us. Why we are resistant is possibly THE thing we need to work on next. I don’t know. But your words have helped me very much right now, and I am ever grateful ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  4. lorrie, this is the beauty of sharing our writing: we connect to the emotions behind the words and find solace in dicovering we are not the only one. I love the quote and I send love and (((winged))) hugs to you. Let’s both commit to releasing an area of resistance today. ❤

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