Most of these writing come from painful places in my heart and soul. I was a neglected child who was sexually & physically abused by several men, two of them step-fathers. I was delighted to have a chance to get to know my biological father in my early twenties; finally a man who showed me love without expecting something from me in return! I was later crushed to learn he had molested his own two step-daughters.
The severity and duration of my abuse has resulted in diagnosis of clinical depression, insomnia, panic/anxiety disorder, and a touch of bi-polar disorder which add up to an umbrella diagnosis of PTSD.
During the last half of 2014 my cousin committed suicide and my brother was killed during a shoot-out with a police officer; some say it was suicide-by-cop. This power of these events sent me into a downward spiral that I am currently fighting. These loses also spurred me to write and I have been pleasantly shocked by how much it helps. I will always be grateful to ladybluerose who introduced me to WordPress and encouraged me to write what was being felt.
In early 2015 my bio-father died from alcoholism. My grief over the three deaths has become intertwined so a thought about one will trigger an avalanche of grief.
I visit a counselor weekly and take medication to help alleviate the most pressing symptoms so that I can focus more energy into regaining a stable mental and physical “place”. Earlier in my life I was very, very, and even very(!) anti-meds, however now I am thankful for them as I can see their purpose.
My grown son is my biggest accomplishment and greatest joy. I’m calling this stage of life “Vicki 3.0” and am doing my best to look forward instead of back.
I am trying to find a simple way to get through a complicated life. I am not a person who has kept journals or written, so this is a new experience/experiment for me. I hope you will feel free to provide constructive feedback and enjoy going on this journey with a newbie. I apologize in advance if the blog is visually boring. I am not a super creative person.
Peace & Hugs,