From Fear to Light aka Peek-a-Boo with my brother

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Pssst.  Jare dsa qoiujd & znoornne aj fjksdf.  Vod6j g6 olkpj[6o.  Uy[j fp y[ssl6f6ujd jd[ 5l3  =;yj ???

Yes, I hear you speaking thru the veil, but can not make out your words.  Your time in this realm, the life you had, is gone.  It’s time for you to move along.

Nyero or xznouf l ouoeu aou q znm.  Ndn!  Uouctnej!!

No, you can not stay with me.  You need to begin again.  Please take with you the most important lesson for next time:  things were NOT done TO you, you created them yourself.  Things were the result of your own doings.

Uqeriop o cxznidfnej eoicuen qne e nvfjn njk rrgn gfdnr nvnkjl.

I know, you lost.  I understand you don’t understand that you lost.  What a novel emotion!  The frustration  and fear of the veil is one of the few things I understand.  Leave me be and let go of your anger and fear.  Move along with the others who you see passing.  Follow them.  Know that each step I take on my path will leave you more and more frustrated because I am moving slowly past you and away from your touch. 

Noreavr, o nvoufne u,ik is anenelud * 48nr aoiujr e anenendouv ej. Psst!  Psst!!  Gew k;ui rwe kellves ve sedi ;;yg;u!!

Just stop.  I’m not listening to any more of your whispering words.  I will help you find the way tonight.  I just need some time to read, to center myself, to create a space that will allow my energy to strengthen.  I miss you, but will not miss your whispers.  It’s time for you to start a new journey.  For now that is all I can tell you.  Leave me be, give me time to breathe so I can get strong enough.  Just stop your nonsense.  You lost the life you had and I will not allow you to hang onto me  and mine any more.

Vio;ti!!  Innjk!!!  Nop, enov e morm ovf p nboeudfe!!!

  Yes, for once I have the power in our relationship and can now see that your anger comes from a place of fear.  Which means I no longer have need to be afraid of you.  Don’t get use to it….just get.

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 ps., thanks grandfathersky for helping me find courage

Early Years

Image result for sister

We first met when she was all but two

Wouldn’t let me hold her,

But wanted help with her shoes.

Delicate blonde ringlets and fair rosy cheeks

Eyes of blue looking up and quickly away

So tender, so tiny, so delicate her treats.

I would have my own child before I saw her again

A beautiful swan girl who was oh so still

Full of life lessons learned by the time she was ten.

Still shy but getting better at being herself

Her beliefs and morals came from the bible

Life not like the fairytale books she kept on a shelf.

We met again and had a whole summer

She was old enough for us to grow closer

Stay up late, talk of dreams, then share slumber.

We slept on the beach in a magical place

Just bags, no tent, but near to clear water

Woke with a start, a chipmunk ran across her face.

Three Revised

A cousin, a brother, things happen in 3’s

Hoped death would come next for me

Instead my Pa went down that dark path

Wriggling and writhing in alcohol’s grasp

So I mourn again and again and again

Left still wishing for my silly own end

I know God is near, perhaps Goddess too

Laughing at this human who wants to be through

Asking to be taken from this nightmare of life

Wanting to be finished with all of the strife

They must have some grand plans for me

To keep me in hell instead of giving me leave

My heart and soul long for my sister dear

Cries out because she won’t let me near

She reads all my words wrong and so false

I don’t like text, I would much rather talk

Chest crushed by the weight of my grief

I no longer have her to help find relief

“Think on good things, believe in good luck”

Sunshiny people need to shut the hell up

They’ve no idea where I’ve been or am going

I’ve had loss of all kinds and the tears are flowing

Platitudes are not going to cut it this time

The best kind of healing comes from these rhymes

Here I am free to be depressingly me

No one judges, no one expects all glee

I can write and rant and know there is another

Who has felt this or seen it one way or the other

Compassion, yes.  Understanding, check.

And reminded the world is in chaos yet

My own battles start to seem very small

‘Tho my pain is amplified by poets who stand tall

I see they are writing about much bigger issues

So in elegant ways, they provide me with tissues

Which help to stop my self destructive wins

Like pulling and picking and scarring my skin

So thank you all for being who you are

For writing poems that take me so far

Away from my existence mundane

To view life from a much higher plain

For carrying me along with your tales

Which help to finally silence my wails