Three Revised

A cousin, a brother, things happen in 3’s

Hoped death would come next for me

Instead my Pa went down that dark path

Wriggling and writhing in alcohol’s grasp

So I mourn again and again and again

Left still wishing for my silly own end

I know God is near, perhaps Goddess too

Laughing at this human who wants to be through

Asking to be taken from this nightmare of life

Wanting to be finished with all of the strife

They must have some grand plans for me

To keep me in hell instead of giving me leave

My heart and soul long for my sister dear

Cries out because she won’t let me near

She reads all my words wrong and so false

I don’t like text, I would much rather talk

Chest crushed by the weight of my grief

I no longer have her to help find relief

“Think on good things, believe in good luck”

Sunshiny people need to shut the hell up

They’ve no idea where I’ve been or am going

I’ve had loss of all kinds and the tears are flowing

Platitudes are not going to cut it this time

The best kind of healing comes from these rhymes

Here I am free to be depressingly me

No one judges, no one expects all glee

I can write and rant and know there is another

Who has felt this or seen it one way or the other

Compassion, yes.  Understanding, check.

And reminded the world is in chaos yet

My own battles start to seem very small

‘Tho my pain is amplified by poets who stand tall

I see they are writing about much bigger issues

So in elegant ways, they provide me with tissues

Which help to stop my self destructive wins

Like pulling and picking and scarring my skin

So thank you all for being who you are

For writing poems that take me so far

Away from my existence mundane

To view life from a much higher plain

For carrying me along with your tales

Which help to finally silence my wails

Blurred Line

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Oil and water

Clearly defined

A line between lain straight

Was my mind.

My brother is killed

The monster awakened

The line in my mind

Is violently shaken.

Oil and water

No longer are clear

The line has been blurred

I’m losing what’s dear.

In a spiral I whorl

Down into what is

The blackness of depression

Which only takes, not gives.

Oil and water

Colors come at great cost

Here in this gray void

Where I find I am lost.

It never matters tho

Try and try as I might

One thing is sure

I am stuck in the night.

Oil and water

Shaken is my mind

My brothers’ death

Has blurred the line.

His-tory

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We loved and fought,

You carried me through,

I knew not what I was to you.

You went your way,

I made mine,

I did not know there was so little time

A baby,

Some bars,

You had none, yet kept mine from harms.

New beginning, new promise,

A life yet to live,

You had so many chances, but choose not to give.

Broken promises,

Lost hope,

Thinking of nothing but dope.

Hurt mom, hurt sis,

Why they ask,

They don’t warrant a glance.

Dead body,

Dead field,

No answers revealed.

We loved and fought,

You carried me through,

I still do not know what I was to you.