Alone I sit within walls of my own making
Wondering where all the people are at.
For the first time I can truly see
And the possibilities are unnerving.
My future involves others, and the Other
Lots of different others, I feel.
Yet I sit alone with the new sights and emotions
Wondering just what to make of it all.
Knowing I am being drenched in knowledge
But having no patience for the learning curve.
Not wanting to wait for the addition of understanding
To marry everything as one.
Destiny is showing her face
Beckoning me onto a path full of uncertainties.
“Look there,” Karma says and
I see what she means, however…
But I will be obedient this time
And go where they lead me.
Even though I am frightened and alone,
I am even more afraid of not following, not learning
The lessons I must learn
Because I don’t want to find myself here again.
Will this be the time old karma is fixed?
Will this be the time I ascend?
The finish feels so close at times, but
Is it bad karma yet again making me want to die?
Wanting to follow my brother down suicides’ path
Is stronger and easier than following destiny.
Especially when the hard edges of life
Press on my heart so greedily.
So alone I sit within walls of my own making
Pondering what I have left to teach and
More importantly, how hard the next lesson will be to learn.
~winged woman, 27 Mar 15