Loneliness

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Alone I sit within walls of my own making

Wondering where all the people are at.

For the first time I can truly see

And the possibilities are unnerving.

My future involves others, and the Other

Lots of different others, I feel.

Yet I sit alone with the new sights and emotions

Wondering just what to make of it all.

Knowing I am being drenched in knowledge

But having no patience for the learning curve.

Not wanting to wait for the addition of understanding

To marry everything as one.

Destiny is showing her face

Beckoning me onto a path full of uncertainties.

“Look there,” Karma says and

I see what she means, however…

But I will be obedient this time

And go where they lead me.

Even though I am frightened and alone,

I am even more afraid of not following, not learning

The lessons I must learn

Because I don’t want to find myself here again.

Will this be the time old karma is fixed?

Will this be the time I ascend?

The finish feels so close at times, but

Is it bad karma yet again making me want to die?

Wanting to follow my brother down suicides’ path

Is stronger and easier than following destiny.

Especially when the hard edges of life

Press on my heart so greedily.

So alone I sit within walls of my own making

Pondering what I have left to teach and

More importantly, how hard the next lesson will be to learn.

~winged woman, 27 Mar 15

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From Fear to Light aka Peek-a-Boo with my brother

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Pssst.  Jare dsa qoiujd & znoornne aj fjksdf.  Vod6j g6 olkpj[6o.  Uy[j fp y[ssl6f6ujd jd[ 5l3  =;yj ???

Yes, I hear you speaking thru the veil, but can not make out your words.  Your time in this realm, the life you had, is gone.  It’s time for you to move along.

Nyero or xznouf l ouoeu aou q znm.  Ndn!  Uouctnej!!

No, you can not stay with me.  You need to begin again.  Please take with you the most important lesson for next time:  things were NOT done TO you, you created them yourself.  Things were the result of your own doings.

Uqeriop o cxznidfnej eoicuen qne e nvfjn njk rrgn gfdnr nvnkjl.

I know, you lost.  I understand you don’t understand that you lost.  What a novel emotion!  The frustration  and fear of the veil is one of the few things I understand.  Leave me be and let go of your anger and fear.  Move along with the others who you see passing.  Follow them.  Know that each step I take on my path will leave you more and more frustrated because I am moving slowly past you and away from your touch. 

Noreavr, o nvoufne u,ik is anenelud * 48nr aoiujr e anenendouv ej. Psst!  Psst!!  Gew k;ui rwe kellves ve sedi ;;yg;u!!

Just stop.  I’m not listening to any more of your whispering words.  I will help you find the way tonight.  I just need some time to read, to center myself, to create a space that will allow my energy to strengthen.  I miss you, but will not miss your whispers.  It’s time for you to start a new journey.  For now that is all I can tell you.  Leave me be, give me time to breathe so I can get strong enough.  Just stop your nonsense.  You lost the life you had and I will not allow you to hang onto me  and mine any more.

Vio;ti!!  Innjk!!!  Nop, enov e morm ovf p nboeudfe!!!

  Yes, for once I have the power in our relationship and can now see that your anger comes from a place of fear.  Which means I no longer have need to be afraid of you.  Don’t get use to it….just get.

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 ps., thanks grandfathersky for helping me find courage

Let Me

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Raised arms in moon glow

Toes tap Mother’s love into the dusty ground

Let me help dear lion, dear star.

Hearts gentle movement

Warm with the energy of some old soul

Let me send love from afar.

Skirt catches light dew

Hips sway within their own song

Let me lift that heavy bar.

Hands hunt, fingers finesse

Calls to our past bodies for wisdom

Let me pull off the old tar.

Nose toward heaven

Lungs send light and peace your way

Let me show you the right star.

Let me dear lion, dear star.

Blessings

KitCat’s nose kisses and snuggles

A home to stay in despite any struggles

Safe car to borrow and places to go

Someone to listen, someone who knows

Clothes on your back to help keep you warm

Love from a distance keeps you from harm

Plenty to eat and more to be had

Sharing of gifts to make others glad

Friends scattered wide in many dimensions

Clear-headed advice with honest intentions

Lucky am I and man do I know it

Note: when you’re down, look to a poet

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The Giver

A phone call with news that took away all her breath

Scant details, but announced her big brothers’ death

She had got to know him once, long ago

He killed a man and was in prison six states below

They had random visits thanks to a sister by half

She enjoyed their time, their talks, shared laughs

A trip to pick up mail brought tears and a strain

The small, heavy box was marked “Human Remains”

She drove out in late evening, camped alone in the dark

Got to a crossroads and made the left choice to park

With tie-died blanket, photos, letters, and beer

She created a shrine, centered on the box that held the one she held dear

She wailed – truly wailed – and wrote him one last time

While the ravens and river otter watched, bees busy at hive

She slowly unveiled his remains and waded into the river

And in gentle arches she released him back to The Giver

D n A

Next Time

Bird swoop, fly, chatter on porch rail

Mighty wing, tiny beak, dipping tail

Beady eye, sleek frame, delicate feet

Strong chest, and a sweet fluffy cheek

I stoop, cry, pound on porch rail

Stupid arms, big mouth, round at the tail

Bleary eye, big frame, hideous feet

Droopy chest, and an ugly, wet cheek

Goddess, please hear me, make note

Come, take me now, save me the rope

All I want, all I ask, is one little thing

Bring me back as a bird that hunts other beings

Let me swoop, let me fly, sit on a porch rail

Give me wings, deadly beak, and a beautiful tail

Keen eyes, sleek frame, dangerous feet

Strong chest, a mighty fierce screech

Clasp talons and fall through the air

Holding onto my love, my mate, without any care

If for only one season, thus I do wish

To be able to dive and catch my own fish

White head, dark feathers, bright yellow legs

I want to know how it feels to hatch eggs

Be free, struggle but able to kill

I want this life with all of my will

So Goddess, take mercy and come

Before I loose all chance, leave by a gun

Eagles Court