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Hey Boy

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Boy, come over here
I need you near
Lean in close
Kiss my nose
Close your eyes
And let time fly
A sigh upon my neck
Sends me into orbit
The rumble from your chest
Against my breast
Is like honey to my soul
Making me want go where you go
Boy, take me with you
We’ve paid our dues
It’s gonna be alright
Just hold me tight
Kiss me deep
And I’m yours to keep
So turn up the music
Get right down to it
Glide right on in
I want to feel you within
Hey boy, come here
You can never be too near

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He Smiles

josephinewalloilpainting5696

He smiles and I can’t keep from smiling back
Eyes twinkling, he pulls me in to remove the slack
Blue eyes to green we speak without words
He looks away and my cheeks burn
In no hurry, we sway with abandon
And I feel myself slowly come undone
Yeah, I slowly come undone

He says my name and I catch my breath
Who knew a word could have that depth
Fingers glide across gold, silken skin
At once I feel a forgotten stirring within
I breathe in the scent of his soap, his shampoo
And I feel that time has become new
Yeah, time has become new

The leaves are falling and so are we
I believe it’s simply meant to be
We have so much to learn in the afterglow
But I have a feeling it will be a straight road
He pulls me in to remove the slack
He smiles and I can’t keep from smiling back
Yeah, he smiles and I smile back

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Web

Crawl quietly back into bed
Pull the covers over my head

Mothers’ words have cut again
Twisted reasoning without end

Must. Remain. Here. for now
As soon as possible, take a bow

Breathe to release the energy
Don’t let this become my destiny

Weave and mend the web of life
Summon courage to end strife

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Empty Inside

I’m empty inside.

The bleak darkness of depression has become my steady companion again.

I have tried to shake it.

I have:

taken a walk

sat in the sunshine

listened to the birds singing

looked at beautiful pictures

read lovely posts

painted

cried

slammed my fists into a pillow

slept

stayed awake

been quiet

turned up the radio…

Nothing can help me when this depression grabs hold.

I will ride it out like I have dozens of other times, I’m sure.

I’m just so damn tired.

So tired.

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Sojourn

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He introduces me to grace and mercy

Reflections of a love unpracticed by me

Compassion and unconditional love

For one unknown to dance above

She has forever dealt with the devil

So for her daughter she won’t come level

Won’t admit to her numerous failings

Regardless of those fleeting feelings

He takes her old, frail hand

Tries to lead her to another land

The daughter shakes her head in disbelief

Wanting so much for her own release

She has waited so very long

Has yet to sing her own song

She fights the surge of betrayal

While he quietly remains loyal

They wish for the same dream

A quiet life with sweet cream

Until the old woman passes on and away

She holds their beautiful lives in her sway

He remains certain of happy dreams

Working as the anchor for their team

She provides the winding direction

Her heart no longer sure of the projection

The path has been uncertain of late

But he feels certain of good fate

He introduces me to grace and mercy

Reflections of a love unpracticed by me

He feels their hearts inside his own

He points the way to a better home

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Watercolors

The blush of a Robins’ breast,

The subtle violet hues of a sunset,

These are the heaviest things on my mind today.

Sweet love songs on the radio,

Staying in pjs with nowhere to go,

I’m living in heaven, if only for one day.

Blue and yellow make green,

Thoughts focused on a scene,

Painting releases a me I never knew.

Light brush stokes on watery paper,

Can only hint at what’s behind the maker,

I’ll leave it to you to decide what it means.

Burnt umber for a bark with grey undertones,

Pretending I’m sitting under the tree alone,

Wondering what the purple flowers smell like.

My heart is filled and my soul is singing,

Now I’m aloft with the birds who are winging,

My eyes are keen for a distant shore.

The blush of a Robins’ breast,

The subtle violet hues of a sunset,

These are the heaviest things on my mind today.

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12th House Pluto

Pulling Back

Come, let’s join hearts and hands

Sail together to peaceful lands

You are not you, I am not me

We are actually one body

Souls joined in the Divine

Meeting again across all time

Contracts for these lives, we agreed

To this particular experience, you see

A heavy load we now carry

Past lives we played and tarried

Maybe we were the first to say

“After me, to hell with your decay”

Now we are here to balance the scales

The breath of our cries will lift the sails

We will absolutely make it past Pluto

Thanks to a sun-kissed type of Leo

A peaceful warrior unknown to most

Can heal us all as the ultimate host

So come, let’s celebrate

We are learning to bend and break

Old cycles needed correction

We can sail far on our shared connection

Real love, real hope, however life bites

We can be healed within each night

Be birthed new in moon glow

Given the energy we need to go

Through the next lesson we have to learn

Like how to have power and not burn

Learning to use this darkness for good

We can heal the collective sisterhood

Our contracts have meaning after all

Without them we would continue to fall

Karma will forever have Her way

So come, let’s cry together and sail away

sailing in the clouds

“The wound is the place where the Light enters you.” ― Rumi

~winged woman, 20 May 15

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What it’s Like

abusedwoman

See that tiny ant stuck in that puddle of pop

Imagine climbing and struggling but never reaching the top

Then you really might know what it’s like

To have thoughts that leave you feeling nothing but blight

~

See the light hiding behind dark clouds with rain to come

Imagine moments with your son being the only bright moments to be won

Then you might really know what it’s like

To live under the power of depression in a life with little light

~

See that young goose eating her own eggs for food

Imagine maternal love twisted against you, sexual paternal love is nothing new

Then you might know what it’s really like

To know what’s wrong and still be confused about what’s right

~

See that bee bouncing off the window screen

Imagine having wings without being able to free your being

Really then you might know what it’s like

To feel trapped while your abuser lives a carefree life

winged woman, 18 May 15

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Love in Ten Lines – Challenge

I bet on love,

Love let me down,

I love on anyway.

Sweet love come here

Lovingly sweep the crumbs

Of that love lost.

Fill my breast, Love!

Feed my soul, Love!

Love me despite me,

Let love rule again.

Thank you to Leon of Solitary Thinkers for the nomination.  The rules are simple:

Write 10 lines

Use the word “love” in each line

Use only 4 words per line

Title it “Love in Ten Lines”

Nominate 10 other Bloggers (I’m choosing not to do this, but please take the challenge if you are reading this!}

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Loneliness

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Alone I sit within walls of my own making

Wondering where all the people are at.

For the first time I can truly see

And the possibilities are unnerving.

My future involves others, and the Other

Lots of different others, I feel.

Yet I sit alone with the new sights and emotions

Wondering just what to make of it all.

Knowing I am being drenched in knowledge

But having no patience for the learning curve.

Not wanting to wait for the addition of understanding

To marry everything as one.

Destiny is showing her face

Beckoning me onto a path full of uncertainties.

“Look there,” Karma says and

I see what she means, however…

But I will be obedient this time

And go where they lead me.

Even though I am frightened and alone,

I am even more afraid of not following, not learning

The lessons I must learn

Because I don’t want to find myself here again.

Will this be the time old karma is fixed?

Will this be the time I ascend?

The finish feels so close at times, but

Is it bad karma yet again making me want to die?

Wanting to follow my brother down suicides’ path

Is stronger and easier than following destiny.

Especially when the hard edges of life

Press on my heart so greedily.

So alone I sit within walls of my own making

Pondering what I have left to teach and

More importantly, how hard the next lesson will be to learn.

~winged woman, 27 Mar 15

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Would You Come

QuoteEdgeofLight

Would you come if I sent for you

Leave all behind and start new

Break ties with friends and family

Move to the states and travel with me

Be free roaming spirits, hearts a-lift

We three sharing our gifts

Blessing each other and strangers too

Becoming one with natures’ truth

Traveling this country in an RV

Wondering at Her majestic beauty

Teaching and learning everywhere we go

Be it dry deserts or mountains with snow

Bathing in Her rivers, singing in Her woods

Sighing at the taste of star-speckled foods

Laughing and crying at remembered old lives

Helping to erase each others’ hard lines

Finding new life and fresh lungs full of air

Renewing our souls without any cares

Remaking our joined worlds into something

Finding escape from the meaningless nothing

Stop the ruin and the struggles

Be like children that need nightly snuggles

Share in love and life without strife

Wonder at it all and believe in the night

Would you leave all behind and start new

Would you come if I sent for you

~winged woman, 23 March 15

eco-travel

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From Fear to Light aka Peek-a-Boo with my brother

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Pssst.  Jare dsa qoiujd & znoornne aj fjksdf.  Vod6j g6 olkpj[6o.  Uy[j fp y[ssl6f6ujd jd[ 5l3  =;yj ???

Yes, I hear you speaking thru the veil, but can not make out your words.  Your time in this realm, the life you had, is gone.  It’s time for you to move along.

Nyero or xznouf l ouoeu aou q znm.  Ndn!  Uouctnej!!

No, you can not stay with me.  You need to begin again.  Please take with you the most important lesson for next time:  things were NOT done TO you, you created them yourself.  Things were the result of your own doings.

Uqeriop o cxznidfnej eoicuen qne e nvfjn njk rrgn gfdnr nvnkjl.

I know, you lost.  I understand you don’t understand that you lost.  What a novel emotion!  The frustration  and fear of the veil is one of the few things I understand.  Leave me be and let go of your anger and fear.  Move along with the others who you see passing.  Follow them.  Know that each step I take on my path will leave you more and more frustrated because I am moving slowly past you and away from your touch. 

Noreavr, o nvoufne u,ik is anenelud * 48nr aoiujr e anenendouv ej. Psst!  Psst!!  Gew k;ui rwe kellves ve sedi ;;yg;u!!

Just stop.  I’m not listening to any more of your whispering words.  I will help you find the way tonight.  I just need some time to read, to center myself, to create a space that will allow my energy to strengthen.  I miss you, but will not miss your whispers.  It’s time for you to start a new journey.  For now that is all I can tell you.  Leave me be, give me time to breathe so I can get strong enough.  Just stop your nonsense.  You lost the life you had and I will not allow you to hang onto me  and mine any more.

Vio;ti!!  Innjk!!!  Nop, enov e morm ovf p nboeudfe!!!

  Yes, for once I have the power in our relationship and can now see that your anger comes from a place of fear.  Which means I no longer have need to be afraid of you.  Don’t get use to it….just get.

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 ps., thanks grandfathersky for helping me find courage

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Early Years

Image result for sister

We first met when she was all but two

Wouldn’t let me hold her,

But wanted help with her shoes.

Delicate blonde ringlets and fair rosy cheeks

Eyes of blue looking up and quickly away

So tender, so tiny, so delicate her treats.

I would have my own child before I saw her again

A beautiful swan girl who was oh so still

Full of life lessons learned by the time she was ten.

Still shy but getting better at being herself

Her beliefs and morals came from the bible

Life not like the fairytale books she kept on a shelf.

We met again and had a whole summer

She was old enough for us to grow closer

Stay up late, talk of dreams, then share slumber.

We slept on the beach in a magical place

Just bags, no tent, but near to clear water

Woke with a start, a chipmunk ran across her face.

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Patience and Trust

Merging Traffic

There are realities
you will not understand
until it is time
for you to understand them.
There are truths
you will not speak
until it is time
for you to speak them.
There are decisions
you cannot make
until it is time
for you to make them.
Be patient and trust.
Let your life unfold
as it must,
and in the unfolding
remember always you are
unconditionally loved.

© 2015 Dennis Ference

View original post

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Let Me

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Raised arms in moon glow

Toes tap Mother’s love into the dusty ground

Let me help dear lion, dear star.

Hearts gentle movement

Warm with the energy of some old soul

Let me send love from afar.

Skirt catches light dew

Hips sway within their own song

Let me lift that heavy bar.

Hands hunt, fingers finesse

Calls to our past bodies for wisdom

Let me pull off the old tar.

Nose toward heaven

Lungs send light and peace your way

Let me show you the right star.

Let me dear lion, dear star.

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But, not yet have I reached that bright life or that white happiness – not yet.

LadyBlueRose emailed this to me. I love it so much, I had to share it.

Live & Learn

bell-church-monk-russia-kosnichev

Men and women of faith who pray – that is, who come to a certain assigned place, at definite times, and are not abashed to go down on their knees – will not tarry for the cup of coffee or the news break or the end of the movie when the moment arrives. The habit, then, has become their life. What some might call the restrictions of the daily office they find to be an opportunity to foster the inner life. The hours are appointed and named; they are the Lord’s. Life’s fretfulness is transcended. The different and the novel are sweet, but regularity and repetition are also teachers. Divine attentiveness cannot be kept casually, or visited only in season, like Venice and Switzerland. Or, perhaps it can, but then how attentive is it? And if you have no ceremony, no habits, which may be opulent or may be simple…

View original post 104 more words

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Blessings

KitCat’s nose kisses and snuggles

A home to stay in despite any struggles

Safe car to borrow and places to go

Someone to listen, someone who knows

Clothes on your back to help keep you warm

Love from a distance keeps you from harm

Plenty to eat and more to be had

Sharing of gifts to make others glad

Friends scattered wide in many dimensions

Clear-headed advice with honest intentions

Lucky am I and man do I know it

Note: when you’re down, look to a poet

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Three Revised

A cousin, a brother, things happen in 3’s

Hoped death would come next for me

Instead my Pa went down that dark path

Wriggling and writhing in alcohol’s grasp

So I mourn again and again and again

Left still wishing for my silly own end

I know God is near, perhaps Goddess too

Laughing at this human who wants to be through

Asking to be taken from this nightmare of life

Wanting to be finished with all of the strife

They must have some grand plans for me

To keep me in hell instead of giving me leave

My heart and soul long for my sister dear

Cries out because she won’t let me near

She reads all my words wrong and so false

I don’t like text, I would much rather talk

Chest crushed by the weight of my grief

I no longer have her to help find relief

“Think on good things, believe in good luck”

Sunshiny people need to shut the hell up

They’ve no idea where I’ve been or am going

I’ve had loss of all kinds and the tears are flowing

Platitudes are not going to cut it this time

The best kind of healing comes from these rhymes

Here I am free to be depressingly me

No one judges, no one expects all glee

I can write and rant and know there is another

Who has felt this or seen it one way or the other

Compassion, yes.  Understanding, check.

And reminded the world is in chaos yet

My own battles start to seem very small

‘Tho my pain is amplified by poets who stand tall

I see they are writing about much bigger issues

So in elegant ways, they provide me with tissues

Which help to stop my self destructive wins

Like pulling and picking and scarring my skin

So thank you all for being who you are

For writing poems that take me so far

Away from my existence mundane

To view life from a much higher plain

For carrying me along with your tales

Which help to finally silence my wails

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Panic Attack

What lies await outside my front door

Who is out there ready to settle a score

My brain yells out a warning to stay put

Each time the door opens more than a foot

All of my muscles tremble and quake

I suddenly feel very much awake

Sweat beads up on my brow and neckline

I tell myself maybe I can do it this time

Most days I can’t… I’d rather be dead

Is any of it real, or is it all in my head

I want to believe life can be better than this

That I’ll wake up tomorrow and find my bliss

Bed is a sanctuary and torture device

My body hurts from being tossed all night

No exercise and no fresh air

The lack of sunshine keeps me fair

Black moods are best kept to myself

Locked away and put up on a shelf

My mind often wanders to dreary places

It goes back and forth in unsteady paces

I live in silent rooms full of dim light

Trying to cope with this senseless fright

It comes in silently on little cats’ feet

With a swiftness I can’t begin to defeat

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The Little Whore

By day a foreman who drinks beer in his truck

Checking on others as he slowly gets drunk.

By night a terror, a menace, a sinister thing

Molesting a little girl and damaging her being.

Mary Hartman Mary Hartman plays on the tv

When he says come sit with me.

A big, brown leather reclining chair

Is big enough to gather me there.

“Let me rub your back while you rest on my chest”

His hands find their way to my non-existent breasts.

Something hard presses upon my thigh

He releases it and places my hand with sigh.

I knew this was going to happen

I have trained myself to become slacken.

I begin to cry before it’s actually in

Already hoping for a quick end.

I am 7 years old and the routine is habitual

I want to make him stop this nightly ritual.

But I also want someone to love me, you see

And our other times can be heavenly.

Loading up wood or caring for cattle

It’s all done in peace without a battle.

I love how he needs all of my help

He takes me on trips with sweet rewards dealt.

Some candy, some peanuts, a nice cold root beer

Hunting and learning how to dress a killed deer.

Small things really, but I am so hungry for love

I willingly lend him my hand like a glove.

Mary Hartman Mary Hartman is our special show

It’s when he wants to get down to business below.

Now later than 40 odd years

I still cannot stand the smell of stale beer.

I have trouble sleeping or even being in bed

Due to the visions and memories running ‘round in my head.

He got away with it, free and clean

My mother found out, but thought court would be mean.

And now I don’t know whom I despise more

Him, her, or me (the little whore).

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The Giver

A phone call with news that took away all her breath

Scant details, but announced her big brothers’ death

She had got to know him once, long ago

He killed a man and was in prison six states below

They had random visits thanks to a sister by half

She enjoyed their time, their talks, shared laughs

A trip to pick up mail brought tears and a strain

The small, heavy box was marked “Human Remains”

She drove out in late evening, camped alone in the dark

Got to a crossroads and made the left choice to park

With tie-died blanket, photos, letters, and beer

She created a shrine, centered on the box that held the one she held dear

She wailed – truly wailed – and wrote him one last time

While the ravens and river otter watched, bees busy at hive

She slowly unveiled his remains and waded into the river

And in gentle arches she released him back to The Giver

D n A

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Upward Over The Mountain by Iron & Wine

Mother don’t worry, I killed the last snake that lived in the creek bed

Mother don’t worry, I’ve got some money I saved for the weekend

Mother remember being so stern with that girl who was with me

Mother remember the blink of an eye when I breathed through your body

So may the sunrise bring hope where it once was forgotten

Sons are like birds flying upwards over the mountain

Mother I made it up from the bruise on the floor of this prison

Mother I lost it all of the fear of the Lord I was given

Mother forget me now that the creek drank the cradle you sang to

Mother forgive me I sold your car for the shoes that I gave you

So may the sunrise bring hope where it once was forgotten

Sons can be birds taken broken up to the mountain

Mother don’t worry I’ve got a coat and some friends on the corner

Mother don’t worry she’s got a garden we’re it planting together

Mother remember the night that the dog had her pups in the pantry

Blood on the floor and the fleas in their paws

And you cried ’til the morning

So may the sunrise bring hope where it once was forgotten

Sons are like birds flying always over the mountain

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Next Time

Bird swoop, fly, chatter on porch rail

Mighty wing, tiny beak, dipping tail

Beady eye, sleek frame, delicate feet

Strong chest, and a sweet fluffy cheek

I stoop, cry, pound on porch rail

Stupid arms, big mouth, round at the tail

Bleary eye, big frame, hideous feet

Droopy chest, and an ugly, wet cheek

Goddess, please hear me, make note

Come, take me now, save me the rope

All I want, all I ask, is one little thing

Bring me back as a bird that hunts other beings

Let me swoop, let me fly, sit on a porch rail

Give me wings, deadly beak, and a beautiful tail

Keen eyes, sleek frame, dangerous feet

Strong chest, a mighty fierce screech

Clasp talons and fall through the air

Holding onto my love, my mate, without any care

If for only one season, thus I do wish

To be able to dive and catch my own fish

White head, dark feathers, bright yellow legs

I want to know how it feels to hatch eggs

Be free, struggle but able to kill

I want this life with all of my will

So Goddess, take mercy and come

Before I loose all chance, leave by a gun

Eagles Court

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Dark Colors

I wear a cloak.

The outside is purple and pink and green and yellow; it is happy, smiling, laughing, full of joy.

The inside is black and without end.

I hold the cloak to me tightly so that sometimes even I can see bits of the outside; the colors.

But, the blackness is always there, underneath, closest to me no matter what I do. Life happens and blows the cloak: colors blackness colors blackness….

I’m so tired of the blackness.

So tired.

Tired from holding the cloak so tight. Tired of fighting the blackness.

The cloak is thin enough to let hurt in but too thick to let hurt out, so the hurt hardly ever shows. Everyone sees the colors, but never looks in my eyes, listens to my words. So the cloak holds these in as well and the hurt feeds on the words held.

And the blackness swirls. It is dramatic and everyone is afraid of it. Not wanting to see it or even hear about it.

So it must be tucked in close, folded over and under and held tight so all that shows is the outside….those colors.

The colors seem to be loved.

I feel crazy, but think if I truly were the cloak would be reversed. I would hold the colors tightly to me and be oblivious to the world and the world would only see the void where the blackness is.

So if that is the case, why do I also feel invisible now? When the colors are on the outside? Because the colors hide the black and the cloak only lets hurt in and not out and life goes on around me and no one knows or wants to know the blackness that is surrounding me!

Am I wearing the cloak or is it wearing me, holding me down, smothering me, hurting me a little more each time I fail to keep it tight enough so even I can see the colors?

And I’m tired.

So tired of fighting the darkness.

I look forward to seeing the colors again. Illuminated.lindsey-thornburg2

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Blurred Line

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Oil and water

Clearly defined

A line between lain straight

Was my mind.

My brother is killed

The monster awakened

The line in my mind

Is violently shaken.

Oil and water

No longer are clear

The line has been blurred

I’m losing what’s dear.

In a spiral I whorl

Down into what is

The blackness of depression

Which only takes, not gives.

Oil and water

Colors come at great cost

Here in this gray void

Where I find I am lost.

It never matters tho

Try and try as I might

One thing is sure

I am stuck in the night.

Oil and water

Shaken is my mind

My brothers’ death

Has blurred the line.

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His-tory

IMG_0700

We loved and fought,

You carried me through,

I knew not what I was to you.

You went your way,

I made mine,

I did not know there was so little time

A baby,

Some bars,

You had none, yet kept mine from harms.

New beginning, new promise,

A life yet to live,

You had so many chances, but choose not to give.

Broken promises,

Lost hope,

Thinking of nothing but dope.

Hurt mom, hurt sis,

Why they ask,

They don’t warrant a glance.

Dead body,

Dead field,

No answers revealed.

We loved and fought,

You carried me through,

I still do not know what I was to you.